January 6th - Masters of Horror: Imprint (18)

When I first watched Ichi the Killer, I thought, How can something this disturbing be so watchable? Even after seeing Imprint, the answer still eludes me, trapped in the mind of Takashi Miike. Some call him a genius, some, a mad man. I'm not sure what I would call him, but whatever it is, it would be a deserving title.

As part of a 13-episode anthology, Imprint starts off following Christopher (Billy Drago), as he travels to 19^th Century Japan to find the prostiture that he fell in love with. With no boats leaving until morning, he accepts shelter in a whore house, where he is told of his love's passing by a disfigured prostitute and inquires into her life. Her dark past is revealed along with the story of Komomo, the woman he was looking for.

Immediately after the opening scene begins, I was reminded of 'In the house, In a Heartbeat' by John Murphy (a piece made famous by 28 days later), an eerie instrumental that compemented the film to a great degree. As I continued to watch, I was amazed at how clean the visuals were for a film set over two centuries ago. I expected it to have a more gritty setting, or at least ambiance, but the crisp visuals allowed me to submerse myself in the story with great ease, as if I was looking through a glass window, only a few feet from the characters. As the story moved on, Miike's directional skills started to show. Torture scenes, abortions and unborn babies coursing downstream are all present, showing why this was the only film of the season to be banned in the US TV release. When we eventually discover the real reason and story (the prostitute had given different accounts up until now) it started turning into a bad 80's horror flick. What I am assuming is an anamatronic hand becomes the focus and ruins the authentic feel, leaving me a little disapointed. Aside from that, the only fault I really found off-putting was the casting of Drago. He didn't have the emotional range to pull off the role he was given, staying too wooden for what was needed. If it were not for him, I would rate this movie higher for sure.

I applaud Miike in his ability to create such a terrifyingly beatutiful piece. One for Miike fans and horror/thriller aficionados alike. - 3.5 jade rings out of 5

Trailer --- IMDB

January 5th - Electrick Children (15)

I found this on a list of “Best 2012 movies, you've never seen” while floating around the interwebs and it was no lie. Not a Hollywood blockbuster in any shape or form, but a great watch nonetheless.

The story follows Rachel, a 15 year old Mormon who gets pregnant from listening to music. Yep. You heard me. She got pregnant. From music. She leaves the community to find the singer whom she believes is the father and a wacky adventure ensues. Think Scooby Doo. You know, preppy boy, hot girl, nerd, stoner, talking dog. Except without any of those. Well, maybe the stoner.

With a cast of Billy Zane and a dozen other people I've never heard of, Julia Garner (Rachel) is the stand-out star. She played the role with a childish sense of wonderment and drew me right in, believing she was actually a Mormon in upbringing and had never been introduced to certain things or experiences. It's hard to act as if you have zero knowledge of a cassette player, but for me, it was totally real.

Buuuuuuuuuuut........

FYI, there's always a but with me.

The scene after she is introduced to the tape deck, she immediately knows how to use it. Maybe I missed something, but that seems a little off.

But I digress. With such a small cast, writer and director Rebecca Thomas has done an amazing job of making the film seem busier than it actually was. The background/surrounding area is ever changing, giving a sense of volume and movement to an otherwise open set. While I don't usually watch dramas, this was definitely worthwhile as it didn't really focus on the boring day-to-day activities that some films highlight too much, but the journey and growth of the main character. Throughout the movie, we see her progression and change in attitude to life, ranging from naive 'prairie girl' to a young woman who has begun to take charge of the road ahead.

Oh yeah. Macaulay Culkin’s kid brother is in it. Not Kieran. Rory. Bet you didn't know there was another one.

A fine film to watch on a Sunday afternoon. - 3 blue cassettes out of 5

Trailer --- IMDB

January 4th - The Cabin in the Woods

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

WARNING: TL;DR ALERT

Where to start, where to start? How about I WANT THE LAST HOUR AND A HALF OF MY LIFE BACK. There were just so many things that put me off this movie. I nearly didn't even bother writing a review because of how unimpressed I was. Read the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. I dare you. Then watch the film. Or watch, then read. I'm not fussed. I don't understand how it became 'critically acclaimed' or 'An instant classic'. Don't get me wrong, I love Joss Whedon, but not this. The plot was never fully explained until like 5 minutes before the end where Sigourney Weaver makes a surprise appearance as the big boss lady from behind the scenes, just like she did in Paul, by which time I was struggling to remember what had happened. OWAITIREMEMBER. 5 college kids go to a cabin for spring break or whatever, get killed off one by one, leaving the main character and the stoner to find out they were in some kind of ritual and that they all have to die otherwise the elder gods will rise and destroy the Earth. Sound familiar? Though so. Except that elder gods thing. Not so much that. Anyways. Enough of the ranting.

I guess you want to know what the movie is about, right? Well, aside from the traditional 'group of kids in a secluded place getting killed off one by one', there is a mysterious group of... scientists(?) who have to complete a ritual sacrifice annually or the elder gods will rise and destroy the earth. The 5 who are 'chosen' go to the cabin's basement where there are assorted old trinkets and knick-knacks, and whichever one they unwittingly 'chose' will decide their fate. They choose 'zombie redneck torture family' and end up getting beheadded and stuff. Things happen, blah blah blah, the main character gets saved by her friend who she thought was dead and they enter the control room, releasing all the monsters/killers/angry molesting tree to wreak havoc. They enter the ritual chamber where the plot gets explained. The stoner has to die or the whole world dies. Main character pulls a gun on him, so he lets her get mauled by a werewolf. Still following? Here's the twist. The good bit. The most astute scene in the entire film. He doesn't die. Nope. He sits there and lets the world end. Not even the main character gets out alive. You'd expect them to get out somehow, right? Crawl into a cubby hole until the monsters eat each other and the torrential downpour of elder god wrath had dissipated? Nope. They sit there and get turned into pancakes by a giant hand. The. End.

OK. I lied. There's still a little more ranting.

1. When the guy took a bear trap to the spine and walked it off like nothing happened.
2. The unicorn does not gore people with its horn. It's a regal and majestic creature that frolics in meadows. It's not a lean, mean, stomach piercing machine.
3. Why do the monsters not attack each other?

I think that's it. I hope that's it. I don't want to lose readers on the 4^th day! Come back readers! I promise to be nice tomorrow!

Joss, if you're reading this, I still love ya buddy. Keep doing what you do best. This is just one guys opinion of one film.

Even though there isn't much explanation as to what the film is about, I'd still recommend this to horror/thriller fans out there as there are tonnes of easter eggs and references to classic films and even Left4Dead. - 2 zombie hands out of 5

Trailer (15) --- IMDB

#bringbackfirefly

January 3rd - Ted

After being refused entry to this 15 at the cinema because one of the people I went with, and I quote, “is clearly is older than 18, but has no ID.”, I convinced myself it was a good thing. I got so many reviews from people either saying it was the best thing EVAR or a pile of steaming doodoo (this is a family blog!), I consoled myself in the fact that I had just saved a tenner. Boy was I wrong. This was one of the best films I've seen this year. And by this year I mean 2012.

Ted stars Mark Wahlberg as John, who as a child, made a wish that his teddy bear was real. Ted (Seth MacFarlane) DID come to life and they've been 'Thunder Buddies' ever since, much to the dismay of John's girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis).

I've been told that Ted was just an extended episode of Family Guy, another of MacFarlane's creations and I can see why. The humor is spot on, and half the cast show their faces. Except for MacFarlane. He's bear-ly ever on screen.

Wahlberg pulls of his role excellently, even if he does have a dodgy accent at times. Working with a character who isn't always there in filming is a hard thing to accomplish. Making sure that the actors are looking in the right direction, aware of the space that character would occupy and act naturally are things that needed to be considered, and Marky Mark makes it work. Mila Kunis is stunning as always and has great on-screen chemistry with Wahlberg, but it was Macfarlane who stole the show for me. There are so manny quips and one liners throughout the film that kept me giggling like a schoolgirl. Giovanni Ribisi appears as the creepy guy who kidnaps Ted, a role that reminded me of Steve Buscemi's Garland Greene frm Con Air. I'm glad that Ribisi was cast as I think he is a stellar actor who needs to be cast more often. Add in Norah Jones, Tom Skerritt and Sam Jones playing themselves and you have yourselves a very talented cast.

The one thing that did bug me since the out, was that when Ted went public, why didn't the Government take him away and run all sorts of tests on him? If a talking teddy bear was found today, it would be gone within hours. Also, being set 27ish years after Ted came into the spotlight, had his 15 minutes of fame, and disappeared, wouldn't people either forget about him, or not know about him at all? It seemed weird that the scene when Ted and John are walking through the Park, nobody seems phased in the slightest.

I'd like to say to all the people who talked smack about this film, “Boo, you whore.” and thank everyone who recommended it to me. A fine flick to chill out with friends or watch with that special someone. - 4 Teds out of 5

Trailer (15) --- IMDB

January 2nd - Children of Men

Recommended to me by... um... IMDB probably, I went into this film completely blind. Very impressed though.

Children of Men is set in a dystopian future of 2027, where women have been infertile for 18 years. The story follows Theo (Clive Owen), a former activist who discovers a pregnant Kee (Clare-Hope Ashitey) and agrees to help her get to safety, hoping the child's birth can solve the procreation problem. From reading the synopsis, I can safely say it would not be a movie I would have chosen to see of my own accord, but I was pleasantly surprised. There is action, treachery, suspense and undertones of romance, even if only briefly. Owen pulls off the role with incredible capability, not crossing the lines to too dramatic or emotionless. He managed to keep me intrigued for the entire time he was on screen. Ashitey on the other hand, left a lot more to be desired. Maybe it is my misunderstanding of her character, but she seemed too happy considering she was constantly on the run and had every chance of being locked up if she was caught, considering she was a [re]fugee. Couple this with the fact that it was highly likely that her baby would be taken away from her upon going public, and I'm not sure where her emotions were supposed to lie. I could be barking up the complete wrong tree, and she was just happy to have a chance at escaping, but it just didn't sit well with the tone of the film in my eyes. Michael Cane, Julianne Moore and Pam Ferris all make an appearance, with Ferris doing the most for me. She plays Miriam,an ex-midwife and activist who sides with Theo and takes care of the pregnant Kee. I was surprised to see her, as she has defined herselsf, to me at least, as an actress geared to an older audience, with shows such as Rosemary and Thyme, and Where the Heart Is. Caine provides the 'comic relief' as Theo's friend Jasper, helping him escape from the activists when they are found in his hide-away house in the woods. Moore, cast as Theo's ex-wife Julian, doesn't have that big of a part, but delivers on a character she plays well, the hard-talking boss lady with a slightly childish side.

This film proves that a movie set in the future doesn't have to be overrun with zombies or be all high-tech. I would whole-heartedly recommend this to anyone, even if they aren't a fan of adventure/dramas. - 4 flip flops out of five

Trailer --- IMDB

January 1st – The Watch

Being advertised as one of the biggest films of 2012, I felt slightly let down after Watch-ing (that joke isn't going to get old fast...). Without trying to give too much away, I found myself watching 102 minutes of things I'd seen many times before, with most of the main cast playing characters they can't seem to escape. Ben Stiller stars as the stubborn, strung-up lead with personal issues, a role he seems to play in nearly every movie he stars in. Vince Vaughn is once again the loudmouth man-child complete with basement mancave. The slightly obscure casting of Richard Ayoade, running his predictable, yet still funny semi-simpleton is what made the movie in my eyes. Although sticking a British TV actor into a Hollywood blockbuster may seem a little weird, he managed to make it work.

There's not too much I can say without spoilers, and as the film is still recent enough for people not to have seen it, I'll hold off for now, but might end up re-watching it towards the end of the year to do a proper review. After calling the film clichéd and predictable, I still highly recommend it for those of you who like a laugh as there are some sleeper lines that keep it flowing and enjoyable the whole way through, assuming you can get past Vaughn's incessant need to call his fellow castmembers by a different nickname every time he opens his mouth.

All in all, I still think it's a worthwhile flick that you can watch more than once even knowing the whole plot. - 3.5 Costco memberships out of 5

And we're live!

As the new year dawns, I rise to the challenge.

So yeah. Welcome to the beginning of what could as easily turn out to be something magical or a steaming pile. I'm hoping for the former.

I guess a more formal introduction to what's happening should, well, happen.
Throughout the year, I will be watching a film every day and giving a small review of personal opinion. As I've said before, I'm no blogger, film critic or buff, just an avid watcher with a want to escape for a few hours a day.
With an aim to watch varying genres, and not just the same thing over and over again, I'll be needing your help. I want you guys to be my cinema, my library. I want you to suggest what I should watch, whether it be a film, series of films, something of a particular era or with a certain actor/actress. I will watch near enough anything, even if Rotten Tomatoes gives it 21%. Yes, I'm looking at you Birdemic: Shock and Terror.

I was going to be corny and start off with New Year's Eve, a film released before Christmas 2011. Because that's when people celebrate the coming of the new year. The beginning of December.....

Then I thought to myself, No. I enjoy being cheesy as much as the next... cheesemeister (?), but just no. So I settled on something more current and ultimately more enjoyable. In hindsight, I should have left it until later in the year so as not to provide spoilers for those who have yet to see it, but hey. Whatcha gonna do?
I could quite easily watch another movie and save the review I've written until later down the line, but I'm gonna stick to my guns and just go with it. That's how I roll!
So without further adieu, I give you... ThreeSixtyFiveFilms!