Not agaiiiiiiiiin!

I know, I know. I'm doing it again. I went out today and didn't leave myself enough time to watch a film. I could try to review something I've watched already, but that's kind of a cop out.
Sooooooooooooo.
I'm going to do two again tomorrow. I promise this will be the last time I cheat like this. Pinky swear.

Peace.

January 12th - Sonic the Hedgehog fan film

Just in case anyone at BCS sees this, I'm just giving my opinion of the film. I don't want you to think I'm trying to turn people away. I love what you've done with it and would totally buy it if there was a feature length DVD

:D

I thought I'd go for something a little different today. Instead of a 'film', I thought I'd watch a fan film on Youtube. At less than 19 minutes, Sonic is a lot shorter than your regular 90-minute dealio due to obvious budget constraints, but that doesn't mean that it is going to be bad.

This isn't the usual perception of the Sonic universe. It's set in a semi-dystopian future, where Dr. Robotnik has started to claim control of Mobius and is eliminating all animal life on South Island. A group of G.U.N. (Guardian Units of Nations) defenders are taking aim at a flying ship when they are ambushed by buzz bombers. Outgunned, they are saved by The Blue Blur himself, Sonic the Hedgehog. Once Robotnik finds out there is still one Islander left, he shifts his priorities to destroying Sonic. This is however, until he is presented with one of the Chaos Emeralds...

Aside from a few amateur looking shots and lines, I really enjoyed this fan film. It took a twist on the Sonic universe that I haven't seen explored yet and it worked very well. The contrast between the well-known bright and colourful Sonic locales and the darker, urban environment which we are given here sets a darker tone to which I, as a fan was not displeased to see. The story makes sense if you really think back to the original games, which could be seen as sugar-coated for the younger audience, and not shoehorned in or randomly thought up on the spot. The character of Robotnik was near enough spot-on in my opinion. He looked the part (sans the awkward-to-do-in-real-life-'tache), sounded the part, and even created an aura that made him into the evil genius we all love to hate. Getting Jaleel White on board to reclaim his role as the voice of Sonic was a major thumbs up as it rekindled my fondness for the early '90s “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” cartoon.

A great idea with lots of easter eggs that I would love to see fleshed out to 90 minutes. - 3 gold rings out of 5

Youtube link --- Blue Core Studios

January 11th - Pitch Perfect (12A)

WARNING: SPOILERS

Me - “Isn't this just Glee the musical?”*

Not me - “Please. Don't insult it.”

I wasn't expecting much going in to this. It sounded as though it was going to be another generic teem musical, but I can safely say I was wrong. Yeah, it follows the usual 'team starts to disband, starts to lose their competitions, but then all kiss and make up and go on to win the (insert sport/activity here) in an awesome fashion and everyone is happy' storyline, but there's still plenty going on. The story focusses on Beca (Anna Kendrick), an aspiring DJ who is a freshman college (Uni for all of us here in the UK). She has no interest in joining any clubs until she is heard singing in the shower by Chloe, a member of the all-girl a capella group, The Bellas. She reluctantly joins, but falls in love with Jesse, a member from their all-male rival group. We see The Bellas get knocked out of the a cappella championship as Aubrey, their controlling lead who is a sucker for tradition, refuses to change up the song set that they use every year but seems to be failing. Beca throws in a little freestyle mid-routine, much to the dismay of Aubrey and the group. SUPER TWIST NO JUTSU! The team that knocked them out is found to have a non-college member, so The Bellas are invited back! Aubrey calls everyone except Beca, who still turns up because Chloe calls her, they all have a big fight, a lot of vomiting happens and Beca becomes their new leader. She shows her mixing and they use that to shake up the finals and eventually win. Never saw that coming...

Sounds like your bog-standard teem flick, right? Well, throw Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) in the mix and you get something much, much different. Not quite stealing the show, so to speak, but standing out as a major player, Wilson made the film for me. She is obviously the comic relief, and plays it very well. She doesn't follow the norm for a character in a film like this, and makes chuckle-worthy comments and quips throughout, breaking up the tension and drama. Although there is an element of student life and Beca's relationships during the film, the main focus is most definitely the musical numbers. The energy put into the performances is momentous and you can tell that the guys and girls have all either had previous dance training, or have put a lot of work in for this title.

I wasn't disappointed at anything, but at the same time, I wasn't blown away. The acting was solid, the story and characters interesting, and the performances enjoyable. The final 'battle' between The Bellas and the Treblemakers was the climax of the film and most definitely worth the wait, with great renditions of popular songs.

Not a guy film, but still a fun watch. - Three and a half pitch pipes out of five

Trailer --- IMDB

*Only after saying it, I realised that 'Glee the musical' is as redundant as saying ATM machine. Fail.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Attention my loyal followers. It's 5:40am and I have no review for you! Please accept my sincere apologies. Or you know, don't. Maybe start an angry mob with torches and pitchforks and come burn my house down. Y'know. Make a day of it.
I'll be back tomorrow with not one, not three, but TWO reviews for y'all. For realsies.

Love,
Me.

P.S. I think it's about time you got a name. 'Followers' is kinda boring. It also makes me sound like a king. Which I'm OK with, but you might not be. Ideas in the comments!

January 10th - Resident Evil Retribution (15)

Picking up where the last movie left off, and I mean RIGHT where it left off, we begin the final (?) encounter with Alice (Milla Jovovich) in the not-much-to-do-with-the-games-except-for-the-name film about shooting zombie monsters in the face. I've always been a fan of the Resident Evil films, even if they did get 6/10 across the board, and this one is no different. As with most of the previous films, we get introduced to a new team who assist Alice, along with one or two characters from a previous film. This time, we get to see people from all four of the prequels in the same place, but I'll get to that in a bit.

The story follows what we all know, the deadly T-Virus has infected and spread, and Alice is needed to clean it up. However, on this occasion, it's everyones favourite guy-in-a-trenchcoat-who-isn't-Neo, Albert Wesker who is asking for help.

After waking up imprisoned in the Prime Umbrella testing facility, Alice escapes with the help of Wesker and Ada Wong, and the information that the human race is in danger of being wiped out if she doesn't do something about it. She is directed to meet up with a rescue squad of Leon Kennedy, Barry Burton, 2 guys who die too early for me to remember their names and..... wait for it..... Luther West, the dude who survived Afterlife. Who said the black guy always dies first! Along the way we meet old friends Rain and One from the first film, and Carlos from Apocalypse leaving only Ashley and Rebecca needed to catch them all! (I know there are plenty more characters in the RE universe, but I really wanted to make a Pokémon joke, ok?) With the corrupted Jill Valentine hot on their heels and timed explosives set to flood the underwater complex, Alice and co. have to get out, and fast. When they eventually escape after drowning nearly every living and unliving body, we are treated to the most exhilarating fight scene in the quintilogy, if that is even a thing. Alice squares off with Jill, while Rain does what she does best, kicks some ass. After the battle is over, our heroes make their way to the Whitehouse to meet with 'President' Wesker, who shows them the true damage of the T-Virus.....

While not my favourite of the five, Retribution was still fun/exciting/enjoyable to watch. It has all the things that RE film fans want to see: Michelle Rodriguez doing her thang, Milla Jovovich wearing nothing but a sheet of paper and um... er... some other stuff? Probably explosions, zombies, huge gun battles and car chases or something. While the acting was kind of rigid in places and some of the lines seemed forced, I still really enjoyed myself and would happily buy this on DVD if times were not changing to a more digital and less physical entertainment industry. Even with trying to cram as many characters from the games as possible into 90 minutes, I'd be happy to have this in my collection.

After reading the reviews from IMDB, who mostly gave it 1-3/10, I'm sad to say I'm inclined to agree with them. There were plenty of things that were unrealistic, unneeded or corny, but to me, that is what makes the film. If it were true to life, it would be utter poop. Not to mention that entire premise of the franchise is something that doesn’t even exist. Sure there were parts that weren't top notch, but I don't care. As long as I'm immersed in the film, it's all gravy.

One to watch only if you're a fan of the first four. - Two umbrellas out of 5

Trailer 1 --- Trailer 2 --- IMDB

January 9th - The Cottage (2008) (18)

A kidnapping gone wrong turns into a mass murder in an abandoned cottage in the middle of nowhere in this British black comedy horror. That is literally the entire movie summed up in 18 words.

We open with David (Andy Serkis) and his brother Peter (Reece Shearsmith) in a remote cottage with a girl tied up in the boot of their car. Their hostage turns out to be Tracey (Jennifer Ellison), the daughter of a strip club owner, Arnie. Arnie sends his bunglingly stupid son to transport the cash, knowing he is in on the whole thing but has him followed by two henchmen who never really get a chance to do anything useful other than be stereotypical asian assassins. Stuff happens, Tracey gets free taking Peter as HER hostage and they wind up in a creepy farmhouse. While looking for a phone, Peter opens a trapdoor in the kitchen, letting out a mutilated farmer who goes on a rampage and kills everyone. Well. Everyone except Peter. He gets trapped in the cellar with the body of the farmer and a cupboard/shelves combo unit on top of the door.

What disappointed me about this title was the fact that nothing really happened. Sure there was mystery, suspense, gore and a few fight scenes, but other than that, I wasn't really captivated in the way other movies get me. The background of the farmer could have been delved into a little further, or perhaps the club could have been utilised a little more. All I know was that there was definitely something missing that held this film back from becoming pretty damn good.

I'm pretty sure that last part is terrible grammar, but I'm sure you get the point.

What I did enjoy was the fact that it wasn't pretending to be an action-packed blockbuster, or a laugh-out-loud comedy, but something else entirely. The characters didn't seem cheesy, something some movies fail on hard, the 'villain' was believable and the horror was real. The fact that everyone dies in the end was another plus, something I always appreciate in movies like this. I know cliches are there for a reason, but the skinny blonde being the only survivor of a zombie attack isn't very likely when the film starts off with her in a group with muscly guys and peeps who know how to use guns. I'm not saying that skinny blondes can't handle themselves, and not trying to be sexist, but this is something that appears in many films. Also, the 'tough guy' of the film, David, standing no chance against the farmer was another welcome sight. Something else that usually is seen in cinema is that the good guys manage to put up a fight before going down, where in real situations, it's highly unlikely your average Joe could win a fist fight with a 6'4” monster who feels no pain, let alone land a punch.

All in all, a worthwhile film only missing a few things that's worth an hour and a half of your time. -3 ski masks out of 5

Trailer --- IMDB

January 8th - Turn Me On Dammit (15? cert. unknown)

'Turn me on' is the story of Alma (Helen Bergsholm), a 15 year old living in Skoddeheimen, Norway. In a twist from the norm, we see the life of a sexually frustrated girl struggling to live her life, rather than watching from a male perspective. The film is broken up by her fantasies that range from Artur, the boy she believes she is in love with, to practically anyone who happens to be near her. From the offset, we see Alma on the phone to a sex line, with her hand in her underwear doing, well, I'm sure you can guess what [family blog blah blah blah], and realise that we are on for a full on film with no holds barred. While at a party, Artur pokes Alma with his old fella, but later denies it, making Alma look the fool and ostracising her from everyone at school.

As I don't watch a lot of Norwegian cinema, I'm not sure if using unprofessional actors is big, but it certainly worked this time. Doing this gave the whole film an aura of originality, no, REALITY that wouldn't have been able to be accomplished using big names that we are used to seeing. In her first acting credit (according to IMDB), Bergsholm seems perfect. She isn't known and isn't 'Hollywood beautiful' which allows her to claim the role as her own, without the pressure of previous characters and ideals being forced upon her. She, along with about a dozen other main characters do a great job of making the boredom of Skoddeheimen seem real, even though (from what I can find) it is a fictional place. The credit must also go to the director, Jannicke Systad Jacobsen, for using such a bleak backdrop, from the desolate, yet frequently used bus stop to the youth centre, whose outer seating area is reminiscent of something you'd find under a bridge.

I'm not quite sure how to describe this film as it's not something I'm familiar with, but I what I can tell it is that it is a solid watch. - 3 tubes of lip gloss out of 5

Trailer --- IMDB