Bad news bears

Hey folks. For anyone still reading this blog, I have decided to postpone it until further notice. I knew taking the time to watch a film every day would be taxing and time consuming, but with uni work taking priority, I can't carry on right now. I'm sorry for all the loyal peeps who have been with me since day one, but I need to prioritise, and right now, that's uni.
Check back every now and again as I might put up occasional reviews, but everyday is a definite no-no.

Adios for now.

January 30th - Population 436 (18?)

Gotta love these straight-to-video films. No really. This was actually pretty darn good.

I'll give you 1 guess as to what Pop. 436 is about. Yep, you got it. A small, out of town town's population is 436 and never changes. NEVER!

Steve Kady (Jeremy Sisto) is sent to investigate why the town's population hasn't changed for the past century and slowly discovers its gruesome secret. If anyone stays overnight, they become 'one of us' and someone has to 'disappear' to keep the numbers right. They do this by holding a summer fayre ordeal, with the 'host' being hanged as the main attraction. The story isn't anything amazing, it's your usual deep south town that keeps to itself, so the sets aren't anything big and clever; the cast are pretty convincing, even with having to switch between being nicey-nicey and eerily suspicious; and the scripting doesn't make anything sound forced. The biggest surprise for me was Deputy Bobby Caine. After only a few lines he became a very sincere and likeable character, and by the end of the movie, my favourite. But something kept making me wonder who he was. He seemed familiar, so after I'd finished watching I head over to IMDB to check him out. It turns out that he's none other than FRED DURST! Most singers that turn to acting can't quite hack it, but this was different. He was able to give the emotional range needed to pull it off that others lack. I'm not saying that he should become a full-time actor, but he should give the big screen a try, especially if his performance here is anything to go by.

The ending came as a shock to me, though looking back, I could have figured it out if I had played detective and analysed the movie instead of enjoying it. There is an alternate ending that I would very much like to see, but can't find it anywhere. So if anyone knows of it, let me know!

A movie that shows that not all staight-to-video releases are bad. - 4 tow trucks out of 5

Trailer --- IMDB

January 29th - Snow White and the Huntsman

If you don't know the story of Snow White, get out.

That's right.

You.

Go.

I kid, I kid. Y'all can stay. But if you don't know about Snow White, I recommend you find a copy of Grimm's Fairy Tales and brush up on your knowledge pretty sharpish.

I very much enjoy re-imaginings of children’s fairy tales. The SyFy adaptation Alice, is especially worth watching, but maybe I'll save that for another day. This particular take on Snow White isn't that bad, but at the same time, it isn't the best. I guess I'll moan about it a little first, and then make up for it with what I enjoyed.

So. 8 Dwarves? If they were trying to distance themselves from the original by the Brothers Grimm, why this? In fact, if you are trying to distance yourself from an extremely well known tale, why even copy it at all? Anyway, why 8 dwarves? It served no purpose in the film to have an extra in the group, so why not stick to 7? Next, Kristen Stewart. I'm not going to comment on her acting skills as they are already quite controversial, but I will ask, why her? I would have thought the role of Snow White would have gone to someone like Lily Cole (who got cast as generic prisoner number 3) who doesn't look herp-a-derp when she smiles. This coupled with the constant crying whenever Stewart was on screen, leads me to think they could have done much better with the cast list. Finally, the whole film. This sounds bigger than it actually is, so don't fret. I couldn’t' really tell what I was was supposed to be thinking/feeling while watching. There wasn't much emotional attachment to the characters, so I can't say I was rooting for anyone to claim victory/survive. In addition, the film felt kind of flat, like a motorway that you've been driving on for 2 hours. There were no major action scenes, nothing to make you jump, or become excited about. This isn't to say the plot was lacking, just that I like to have my brain working while watching instead of sitting there, well, just sitting there I guess.

Now for good things!

8 dwarves! Yeah yeah, I know I've just slated it, but why not 8 dwarves? There's nothing stopping the writers adding extra characters into the mix. Like I said earlier, this is a re-imagining, not a replication. If it was exactly the same, nobody would watch it. Well, except for you. Yeah, you who doesn't know who the Brothers Grimm are. Speaking of the Brothers, what does Snow White do in their story after she comes back from the dead? Does she don mail and armour and take the fight to the evil Queen? No? Well she does here! Kick-ass princesses have become a mainstay in current-day media, and this is no different. Once again, this is a turn from the original that makes it worth watching as it provides a different view from the 'helpless damsel gets rescued and lives happily ever after'. Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone and Nick Frost as dwarves? Yes please. Although I do think that using CGI to change their appearance is a bit off, especially when there are plenty of actors out there that don't need computers to look 4'10”.

A children’s story not for children, but also not for adults. - 2 and a half apples out of 5

Trailer --- IMDB

January 26/27/28 - Cube Trilogy

Apologies for no weekend upload. I've been a little busy the past few days, but have a trilogy to make up for it!

The story of all 3 Cube films are similar in that a group of people are trapped inside a hypercube – think of a Rubik’s Cube where the segments move around through the X,Y and Z axis instead of rotating in a pre-determined order – and try to escape. The first two follow this pattern with one escapee, and the third also gives us a view from behind the scenes, much how Cabin in the Woods does, watching the 'brains' behind the operations.

Cube

Apart from the Ving Rhames impressions and unexplainable outbursts of anger, solid acting all round. There isn't really much 'horror' here, focussing more on the psychological aspect and how the 6 deal with being potentially trapped forever. Definitely the best of the trio, even with a shorter shooting time and what looked like a smaller budget for effects. Even though the entire film was filmed in the same 'cell', the coloured panels did their job at creating the illusion of multiple rooms. Even with a story so simple – here's some people trying to escape a crazy maze – Cube manages to engage you for the whole 90 minutes.

3/5

Cube 2 – Hypercube

The same story as it's predecessor, but this time with a little more, and also a little less, explanation. In the first Cube, we learn that each individual is in there for a reason. In Cube 2, we learn that the individuals all have ties to the company IZON which seems to be the name behind the Cube's making. We still have no idea WHY there are people in the Cube though. Number 2 is more hi-tech and sci-fi, which is noticeable in the white panels compared to the colours in number 1, the advanced traps and the fact that the cells have differentials in their time stream. One moment you could be moving slowly, and the next, faster than Road Runner. Parallel universes are a tricky subject to navigate and this wasn't any exception. There are plenty of questions that don't add up with the time differences and such, but we let that slide I guess.

2.5/5

Cube Zero

The final and also the first. Cube zero is a prequel to Cube only in the sense that it is set beforehand chronologically. It does tie in with the first by referencing it a few times, but the presence of IZON isn't as prevalent in the final two films. A fine shake-up instead of following the same pattern of the others, but once again, certain questions are still left unanswered after seeing the whole trilogy. One thing that did annoy me was the twist ending. Yes there's a twist ending – congratulations on complaining about spoilers for a film that not only went straight to video, but did so 9 years ago. We see one character 'turned' into a – how can I put this without sounding insulting... The same way IMDB did – disabled man. I did the whole “OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH” thing when Wynn was found by the others, but didn't appreciate the scene was exactly the same, word for word, even down to where the characters were standing, as the first film.

3/5

While disappointed that the finale wasn't called Cube cubed, a pretty good set of films. Watchable in one sitting or individually.

Cube IMDB

Cube 2: Hypercube IMDB

January 24th - Colin (18)

£40

Colin isn't your traditional zombie movie. It doesn't tell a tale of how the world got infected, nor does it chronicle the escape of a group of survivors. It follows the titular character, Colin. That's it. It literally follows him. There's no heartfelt story or gritty tale, we just see what happens to Colin after he gets bitten. You wanna know what happens to him?

SPOILER

He goes for a walk. That pretty much sums it up.

I can safely say I've never seen or even heard of a zombie flick picking a single zombie out of hundreds and following him around for 90 minutes doing mundane things such as eating peoples noses or getting your face blown off. There are so many things I want to say about this film, but I'm not sure where to start, or even how to say it.

I guess I'll start with the actors. There are a lot of unknowns here. This is because they worked for free, so no A-Listers will be appearing. To me, most of the cast seemed quite amateur. Whether this was because they weren't professional actors, I don't know. What I do know is that in some strange way, it worked. It gave the film an authentic feel that you don't see very often due to heavily edited scripts and decades of acting school. There was a gritty air about it that reflected on how I believe Joe Public would react in the same situation. None of this 'instantly an expert with a weapon I just found', but timid swipes with pots or umbrellas.

SFX. For such a low budget, I think the special effects paid off. Even with the dodgy lighting, it didn't look obviously fake, and at times, convincing.

Shaky-cam. The documentary style of filming added another interesting element, once again solidifying the feel of the 'normal'.

Story. Although you could argue that following Colin on his shamble-tastic adventure IS the story, I found it a little boring as there was no real set up to what the film was about. I kept wondering when the action would kick in or when something, ANYTHING, would happen.

The over-stayed welcome. There were a few scenes that played out for far too long. There is a scene about half way in that shows a group of people stuck in a house with makeshift weapons defending themselves from hordes of the undead. For 5 whole minutes. That's right, for 300 whole seconds, we are presented with nothing but screaming and moaning while the same repetitive motions are played out on screen.

And finally, Colin. Our hero. When he turns, he still is very... human-like. He has human-like qualities. We see quizzical looks on his face, he recognizes things, which brings up the question – do zombies remember their past lives? That's a question for another time though. The way Alastair Kirton played him, it was almost like he had reverted the character back to a baby, seeing everything for the first time again. One other thing I noticed, and this could be applied to all the zombies I guess, was how animalistic they were. There were more roars and snarls than groans, and there was anger showing more so than the urge to feed.

£40. That's how much it cost to make the entire film. £40.

I don't think this would appeal to the 'Hollywood Undead', but to more of an indie film school. 2 and a half road signs out of 5

Trailer --- IMDB

January 23rd - Bernie

Part movie, part documentary, Bernie is the story of Bernie Tiede, a Texan funeral director, and how it changes when he meets Marjorie Nugent, the widow of a recently deceased local man.

What first struck me was the casting of Jack Black as the titular character, Bernie. When you see JB in a movie, you automatically think there will be shenanigans, or at least some childish humour. I sat there, waiting.

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Waiting.

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Waiting some more. Nothing. Yeah, there was the obligatory JB playing JB, but this was much, much different. It became clearer why after I had finished watching, but up until then, it seemed quite dull and lacking in energy. The film's schtick, was that the interlaced interviews are from real townsfolk who new the real Bernie Tiede, before he ended up in prison. This was a very clever idea that was pulled off well as I couldn't tell that they weren't actors until I read about it in the film's trivia section. As I knew nothing about this title until watching it, I was unaware that he kills Marjorie until the moment in question. I had a theory that something happens to him from the way he was referred to in the past tense occasionally, but I thought that maybe he had died, or the interviewees were all 'patients' of his that had passed on.

The film itself wasn't at all boring, but it wasn't able to hold my concentration for the full 104 minutes, I paused it once or twice to watch youtube videos or listen to classical music. You know, the kind of things you do when you're looking for a distraction. It's all personal taste, but the pace was a little slow for me as it really came all on one level, not speeding up and getting exciting, or slowing you down to let you think. It was like a long, flat line across the middle of the page. Like I said, with wacky old Jables as the lead, I expected there to be at least 1 hi-jinks happening, maybe even 4 whole hi-jinks if we were lucky, so when a grand total of zero hi-jinks happened, I felt a little let down. This might have been part of the reason why I didn't enjoy it as much as others. I can understand that as a... well... not exactly a mockumentary, but something similar I guess, it was trying to imitate life in a small Texan town rather than Hollywood action, but it needed something to keep me hanging on. As it stands, I felt like I was watching Big Brother when they are just sat on the couch doing nothing. I don't mean to keep slating the film, but I found it hard to pull out any exciting scenes or pieces of acting I really enjoyed. The actual actors, not the interviewees, seemed to fit into the roles well enough, but once again, nothing stellar. Aside from JB being cast where he shouldn't, the only part I disagreed with was that of Marjorie's accountant, Lloyd Hornbuckle. He seemed as though he had come straight from an episode of Ugly Betty.

I started writing this with such a positive air, but it seems to have dissolved into moaning and whining. I really appreciated the new* direction this film took, with the cutaways to the residents and felt that it could have been a four-star production, but there were a few too may things missing.

A good effort, executed poorly. - 2 and a half coffins out of 5

Trailer --- IMDB

*new to me. It may have been done before, but I haven't seen it yet.

January 22nd - Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny

If you haven't seen this yet, go and watch it now. Go on. I'll wait.

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Back? Good. So how was it? Did it blow your headbrain? YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT DID!

Ok. So I might be a little biased to this film. Everyone has their opinions. It just so happens that yours is wrong and mine is right. TDiTPoD (such a terrible acronym) isn't so much a film as a journey. A journey that everyone should make. It's like a pilgrimage.

The Pick of Destiny is a pilgrimage.

We follow JB (Jack Black) on his journey to become a rock legend, where he meets KG (Kyle Gass) and they form Tenacious D. When they hear of a mythical guitar pick, they travel to a rock museum to try and find it. But you know the story, don't you? Of course you know it. I'm not sure whether to class this as a musical, or if it is just something else entirely. There are numerous numbers throughout the film, courtesy of Tenacious D, so I guess it's kind of like a 90 minute music video. And a damn good one at that.

With JB and KG playing themselves, it makes it a whole lot easier to understand the characters, even if it is set in a fictional setting. They don't 'act' per se, but just..... happen. That's the best way I can describe it. They just are. The humour of the film comes mainly from the songs, something Tenacious D are famous for, with a few others things thrown in for balance. There is a story, but if you're a fan of The D, like myself, you'll be sitting there waiting for the music to start again as soon as it finishes.

The film flows very well, better than some box-office big names. There aren't really any moments when you are left confused, wondering what just happened or why, and it keeps pace throughout, making it easy to follow. The only 'break' is from the character played by Ben Stiller. Now, I love me some Stiller, but I don't think he was suited for this role. He has a very unique way of playing his characters, a way that you know it's him, even if he is covered in makeup or prosthetics, and I think that it wasn't in key with the rest of the film. Maybe he was too intense, and the 'guitar guy' needed to be slowed down a little, I don't know, but he didn't fit. Think of it as pushing a square peg into a round hole. It might go through, but it isn't the right piece to be perfect. Other than that, the film as a whole felt like custard. I know that might sound weird, but hear me out. It's not as smooth and flowy as water, but it's still smooth, just with a few bumps. Ok. That made more sense in my head.

Basically, this film is great and you should watch it. If for nothing other than Dave Grohl dressed as the Devil. Yeah. He's the Devil. - 4 picks out of 5

Trailer --- IMDB