January 14th - Hostel: Part 2 (18)

Meh.

If anyone has seen Cruel intentions and it's sequel (which is actually it's prequel), you'll be seeing quite a few similarities here. Hostel 2 is basically the same as it's predecessor in a different place and with different characters.

Three college girls (Ugh. College kids again) are on a trip to prague when they hear about the beautiful relaxing spas of Slovakia. They decide to go and end up on the wrong end of the Elite Hunting Club. Not much can be said about this film that I haven't already said about its prequel, except that it isn't executed as well.

What is new however, is that we get to see the other side of the shady goings-on. Hostel 2 shows us how the 'doctors' are called in. Stuart and Todd are two brothers who bid on the girls and win Beth and Whitney, respectively. As first time clients, they are branded with the bloodhound tattoo as part of the contract and called in when the girls arrive. Todd sticks a circular saw in Whitney's head, but that doesn't quite kill her. He realises what he has done and decides he's 'out'. Unfortunately for him, the the part of the contract he didn't read is 'kill or be killed'. Stuart on the other hand, tried to to rape Beth before he does the deed, but she breaks loose and ties him up, threatening to cut off his 'old mister' unless the EHC let her go. She tries to buy her way out, but the club's boss lady tells her about the clause Todd breached. So Beth snips Stuart's kerjigger and feeds it to the dogs, letting him bleed to death. This initiates Beth as a member of the EHC, granting her a tattoo and she is set free. The bubblegum boys are back too, although with a smaller role, and are shown to be quite accustomed to death. In the first movie, we see then cave in a man's skull with a rock. In this instalment, they do not even flinch when one of their own is shot and seem far to happy playing football with a freshly severed head.

Another torture-porn flick with less torture then the first, and probably less porn too. I guess if you're on a horror marathon it would make sense to watch this straight after the first, especially as the fate of Paxton from Hostel 1 is revealed in the opening scene, but other than that, once again, meh.

Only really worth the watch if you're a completist and like sequels. - 3 wieners out of five

Trailer --- IMDB

January 13th - Hostel (18)

First off, let me recommend not watching this if you plan to go backpacking and are prone to paranoia/suspicious/a wimpy little baby.

Hostel is a gritty tale of how dangerous backpacking can be.

The film follows three friends, Paxton, Josh and Oli, on their travels backpacking around Europe. When they get locked out of their hostel in Amsterdam because they missed curfew they crash at a local dude's house who tells them of a hostel in Slovakia where the women are into American men. Maybe the men will be 'into' the women to, if you catch my drift, wink wink, nudge nudge. On the train there, they meet a creepy German businessman who is obviously part of the plot. When they get to the hotel and check-in, they are told they only have semi-private rooms and will have to share.

Enter dis-hearted looks all round.

This changes when they find out their room-mates are semi-clothed girls who invite them to the spa. After a night out with the girls, Oli disappears and Paxton and Josh are told he has already checked out. When the same thing happens to Josh, Paxton starts to get suspicious. When he finds out that they have been taken to an abandoned building where people pay to torture and kill travellers, he himself gets caught and 'put in the doctors chair' so to speak. He eventually escapes when his 'doctor' accidentally chops his own leg off with a chainsaw (who didn't see that coming?)

Once again this is another film that follows the horror/thriller line of 'friends go to a remote locale, start to disappear one by one and only one of them gets out alive'. I'm not really a fan when the same thing gets used over and over again, but this time, I quite enjoyed it. Instead of college kids going somewhere nobody their age would ever go (see Cabin in the Woods) and murdered by freaks, inbreds, zombies or whatever, being tortured by normal* people is a refreshing take on the subject. Refreshing may not be quite the right word to use here, but you know, whatever. Also the word normal. The fact that this could (and probably has) happen is the allure of the film. I always slight films on their reality and authenticity, and even though there are things that happen in Hostel that seem a little farfetched, I think that the idea behind it was extremely solid. From the cops being paid off to ignore what was happening to the gang of street kids, the whole flick seemed believable and scarily possible.

As I wasn't watching something that could blow me away in the action-packed way, I was close to being blown away by the realness. Again, when I say realness, I'm talking about the possibility of it happening opposed to the film itself being true to life. That said, I was drawn in and at points, watching with baited breath. The gore level was not up to Saw standards, but you do see things cut off, hanging out and caved in, so not one for the faint-hearted.

Oh yeah. Takashi Miike randomly appears in it too.

Not something to watch as a random film, but a fine addition to a horror library. - Three and a half fingers out of five

Trailer --- IMDB

Not agaiiiiiiiiin!

I know, I know. I'm doing it again. I went out today and didn't leave myself enough time to watch a film. I could try to review something I've watched already, but that's kind of a cop out.
Sooooooooooooo.
I'm going to do two again tomorrow. I promise this will be the last time I cheat like this. Pinky swear.

Peace.

January 12th - Sonic the Hedgehog fan film

Just in case anyone at BCS sees this, I'm just giving my opinion of the film. I don't want you to think I'm trying to turn people away. I love what you've done with it and would totally buy it if there was a feature length DVD

:D

I thought I'd go for something a little different today. Instead of a 'film', I thought I'd watch a fan film on Youtube. At less than 19 minutes, Sonic is a lot shorter than your regular 90-minute dealio due to obvious budget constraints, but that doesn't mean that it is going to be bad.

This isn't the usual perception of the Sonic universe. It's set in a semi-dystopian future, where Dr. Robotnik has started to claim control of Mobius and is eliminating all animal life on South Island. A group of G.U.N. (Guardian Units of Nations) defenders are taking aim at a flying ship when they are ambushed by buzz bombers. Outgunned, they are saved by The Blue Blur himself, Sonic the Hedgehog. Once Robotnik finds out there is still one Islander left, he shifts his priorities to destroying Sonic. This is however, until he is presented with one of the Chaos Emeralds...

Aside from a few amateur looking shots and lines, I really enjoyed this fan film. It took a twist on the Sonic universe that I haven't seen explored yet and it worked very well. The contrast between the well-known bright and colourful Sonic locales and the darker, urban environment which we are given here sets a darker tone to which I, as a fan was not displeased to see. The story makes sense if you really think back to the original games, which could be seen as sugar-coated for the younger audience, and not shoehorned in or randomly thought up on the spot. The character of Robotnik was near enough spot-on in my opinion. He looked the part (sans the awkward-to-do-in-real-life-'tache), sounded the part, and even created an aura that made him into the evil genius we all love to hate. Getting Jaleel White on board to reclaim his role as the voice of Sonic was a major thumbs up as it rekindled my fondness for the early '90s “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” cartoon.

A great idea with lots of easter eggs that I would love to see fleshed out to 90 minutes. - 3 gold rings out of 5

Youtube link --- Blue Core Studios

January 11th - Pitch Perfect (12A)

WARNING: SPOILERS

Me - “Isn't this just Glee the musical?”*

Not me - “Please. Don't insult it.”

I wasn't expecting much going in to this. It sounded as though it was going to be another generic teem musical, but I can safely say I was wrong. Yeah, it follows the usual 'team starts to disband, starts to lose their competitions, but then all kiss and make up and go on to win the (insert sport/activity here) in an awesome fashion and everyone is happy' storyline, but there's still plenty going on. The story focusses on Beca (Anna Kendrick), an aspiring DJ who is a freshman college (Uni for all of us here in the UK). She has no interest in joining any clubs until she is heard singing in the shower by Chloe, a member of the all-girl a capella group, The Bellas. She reluctantly joins, but falls in love with Jesse, a member from their all-male rival group. We see The Bellas get knocked out of the a cappella championship as Aubrey, their controlling lead who is a sucker for tradition, refuses to change up the song set that they use every year but seems to be failing. Beca throws in a little freestyle mid-routine, much to the dismay of Aubrey and the group. SUPER TWIST NO JUTSU! The team that knocked them out is found to have a non-college member, so The Bellas are invited back! Aubrey calls everyone except Beca, who still turns up because Chloe calls her, they all have a big fight, a lot of vomiting happens and Beca becomes their new leader. She shows her mixing and they use that to shake up the finals and eventually win. Never saw that coming...

Sounds like your bog-standard teem flick, right? Well, throw Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) in the mix and you get something much, much different. Not quite stealing the show, so to speak, but standing out as a major player, Wilson made the film for me. She is obviously the comic relief, and plays it very well. She doesn't follow the norm for a character in a film like this, and makes chuckle-worthy comments and quips throughout, breaking up the tension and drama. Although there is an element of student life and Beca's relationships during the film, the main focus is most definitely the musical numbers. The energy put into the performances is momentous and you can tell that the guys and girls have all either had previous dance training, or have put a lot of work in for this title.

I wasn't disappointed at anything, but at the same time, I wasn't blown away. The acting was solid, the story and characters interesting, and the performances enjoyable. The final 'battle' between The Bellas and the Treblemakers was the climax of the film and most definitely worth the wait, with great renditions of popular songs.

Not a guy film, but still a fun watch. - Three and a half pitch pipes out of five

Trailer --- IMDB

*Only after saying it, I realised that 'Glee the musical' is as redundant as saying ATM machine. Fail.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Attention my loyal followers. It's 5:40am and I have no review for you! Please accept my sincere apologies. Or you know, don't. Maybe start an angry mob with torches and pitchforks and come burn my house down. Y'know. Make a day of it.
I'll be back tomorrow with not one, not three, but TWO reviews for y'all. For realsies.

Love,
Me.

P.S. I think it's about time you got a name. 'Followers' is kinda boring. It also makes me sound like a king. Which I'm OK with, but you might not be. Ideas in the comments!

January 10th - Resident Evil Retribution (15)

Picking up where the last movie left off, and I mean RIGHT where it left off, we begin the final (?) encounter with Alice (Milla Jovovich) in the not-much-to-do-with-the-games-except-for-the-name film about shooting zombie monsters in the face. I've always been a fan of the Resident Evil films, even if they did get 6/10 across the board, and this one is no different. As with most of the previous films, we get introduced to a new team who assist Alice, along with one or two characters from a previous film. This time, we get to see people from all four of the prequels in the same place, but I'll get to that in a bit.

The story follows what we all know, the deadly T-Virus has infected and spread, and Alice is needed to clean it up. However, on this occasion, it's everyones favourite guy-in-a-trenchcoat-who-isn't-Neo, Albert Wesker who is asking for help.

After waking up imprisoned in the Prime Umbrella testing facility, Alice escapes with the help of Wesker and Ada Wong, and the information that the human race is in danger of being wiped out if she doesn't do something about it. She is directed to meet up with a rescue squad of Leon Kennedy, Barry Burton, 2 guys who die too early for me to remember their names and..... wait for it..... Luther West, the dude who survived Afterlife. Who said the black guy always dies first! Along the way we meet old friends Rain and One from the first film, and Carlos from Apocalypse leaving only Ashley and Rebecca needed to catch them all! (I know there are plenty more characters in the RE universe, but I really wanted to make a Pokémon joke, ok?) With the corrupted Jill Valentine hot on their heels and timed explosives set to flood the underwater complex, Alice and co. have to get out, and fast. When they eventually escape after drowning nearly every living and unliving body, we are treated to the most exhilarating fight scene in the quintilogy, if that is even a thing. Alice squares off with Jill, while Rain does what she does best, kicks some ass. After the battle is over, our heroes make their way to the Whitehouse to meet with 'President' Wesker, who shows them the true damage of the T-Virus.....

While not my favourite of the five, Retribution was still fun/exciting/enjoyable to watch. It has all the things that RE film fans want to see: Michelle Rodriguez doing her thang, Milla Jovovich wearing nothing but a sheet of paper and um... er... some other stuff? Probably explosions, zombies, huge gun battles and car chases or something. While the acting was kind of rigid in places and some of the lines seemed forced, I still really enjoyed myself and would happily buy this on DVD if times were not changing to a more digital and less physical entertainment industry. Even with trying to cram as many characters from the games as possible into 90 minutes, I'd be happy to have this in my collection.

After reading the reviews from IMDB, who mostly gave it 1-3/10, I'm sad to say I'm inclined to agree with them. There were plenty of things that were unrealistic, unneeded or corny, but to me, that is what makes the film. If it were true to life, it would be utter poop. Not to mention that entire premise of the franchise is something that doesn’t even exist. Sure there were parts that weren't top notch, but I don't care. As long as I'm immersed in the film, it's all gravy.

One to watch only if you're a fan of the first four. - Two umbrellas out of 5

Trailer 1 --- Trailer 2 --- IMDB